My last will and testament

The number of death pacts or wishes I have that are related to comedy movies is sort of crazy. Well, it's not that many, but any at all is pretty weird, right? By the way, I'm totally serious about all of these. Totally. So here they are, in order of when they were made:

1) Nick and I decided that when we get way too old for our own good, we too shouldn't not die in a freak gasoline fight "accident." Screw MacArthur, we're going out in a bang.

2) Karin and I decided that we will have "Dust in the wind" played at our funerals. All the old people will be laughing, and the young'uns will be like, "Hey, that's my grandfather! You're so insensitive!"

3) While watching The Big Lebowski a few days ago, I decided that to top off my comedy movie related death wishes, I should have my ashes dispersed into the pacific ocean, transported there in a folgers coffee can. Dude, urns and coffins are totally rip-offs. Wow, I just realized that if I really stick to The Big Lebowski, I literally will be dust in the wind. And also in the face of whoever is unfortunate enough to be standing downwind. That definitely seals the deal.

I have a wallet with inlaid tinfoil

Sad, but true. (What if people try to track my RFID parking pass!?) And as such, I found this (via metafilter) to be hilarious. At least I'm not quite that bad yet, so I'm allowed to laugh at it. Good stuff.

Filed in:

• humor
• batshitinsane
• metafilter

and It's not even Christmas...

From Metafilter:

Apple iBook sale in Richmond, VA, turned violent today when people began to fight over the $50, four-year-old used machines on sale by Henrico County School System. One woman urinated on herself instead of losing her place in line. Others were shoved to the ground, and one man tried to drive his car into the crowd.

Craziness!

Filed in: News Tech Humor Ibook

I, Verismo

My friend, Michael, has been writing poems lately about industrial objects. My personal favorite is his first one, about a street light. Yesterday he asked me for more ideas for his poetry. Since I just started working at Starbucks about a month ago, many of the objects I thought of were ones that can be found in Starbucks. So I proposed that he write about a blender. Then I got to thinkin about how one could write a poem contrasting a blender from Starbucks to the Verismo Espresso machine, which basically does everything for you. So I asked him if I could guest write it for him, and he said yes. So here it is, and also here:

I, Verismo

starbucks industrial blender
you mix frappuccino drinks with ease
but you are simple, brutish
you do only two things
blend high and
blend low
both with the same outcome
left alone you wreak havoc
without a lid you explode
like a violent savage beast
unsophisticated
I control you

Unlike your faithf'ly working counterpart
Verismo espresso machine
Pulls shots in just the right ammount of time
Proportions just right ev'ry time
The crema, heart and body are just right
With so little input from us
It steams milk to a perfect temp'rature
To one-sixty-five on the dot
It knows exactly what it wants and needs
"The pour spout needs rinsing right now"
It protests silently, but won't give up
So gentle, so civ'lized indeed.
But still you need a certain human touch.
But for how long?

This post, and all other posts to Clearly. The Best Blog reflect my own personal views and not those of my employer or any other person or persons.

-Edited for some crazy html errors that should have been quotation marks 2005/08/13 13:04
-Edited 7/13/06 to add disclaimer

Filed in: Poetry Thoughts Humor AI